Hello Dear readers, oh my fans dare say it?.yes!!
Today’s post will include but is not limited to, the subject heading. My dear Friend Elisabeth. She once wrote the following. She words it better than I ever could.
“In contemporary US culture, monogamy means two people agreeing to have sex only with each other and no one else. Classical monogamy – a single relationship between people who marry as virgins, remain sexually exclusive their entire lives, and become celibate upon the death of the partner – has been replaced by serial monogamy – a cycle in which people are sexually exclusive with each other for a period of time, break up, and then re-partner in another sexually exclusive relationship with a different person.
Non-monogamy, in contrast, are more diverse and vary by degrees of honesty, sexual openness, the importance of rules/structure, and emotional connection. People who have non-monogamous relationships in the United States range from religious practitioners of polygyny involved in Islam or the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (Mormons) who are often personally and politically conservative, to practitioners of polyamory or relationship anarchy who tend to be personally and politically liberal or progressive. Especially among the more liberal groups, there is significant overlap with other unconventional subcultures such as Pagans, geeks, gamers, science fiction enthusiasts, and practitioners of BDSM (previously known as sadomasochism, also termed kinky sex or kinksters).
Some people see any non-monogamous relationship as adulterous, regardless of whether or not both partners have consented to have sexual interactions outside the committed couple. I argue that transparency matters and consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) is qualitatively different from non-consensual non-monogamy, or cheating. The two relationship categories also have distinctly different outcomes for the people involved: not only do consensual non-monogamists try to tell each other the truth, but this greater communication has real impacts, such as greater rates of STI transmission among non-consensual non-monogamists than among consensual non-monogamists. Many non-monogamists rely on honest communication to negotiate consensual agreements that allow a variety of ways to have multiple partners.
Even though contemporary society agrees that cheating is undesirable, people still do it regularly. Scholars estimate that approximately 20-25 percent of ever-married men and 10-15 percent of ever-married women admit to having an affair at some point in their relationship. Cheating has gotten easier, as technology has expanded opportunities for infidelity by helping us find our old high school crushes on Facebook or casual encounters on Craigslist and OKCupid. Defining cheating can be quite difficult because it may include a wide variety of behaviours that are not directly physical sex, from sending virtual flowers to video chatting on Skype, or a “chaste” lunch date with no physical contact but an emotionally intimate conversation fraught with repressed passion to paid phone sex with a professional.
Alongside (and even predating) monogamy, cultures throughout the world have long practised polygamy — a form of marriage consisting of more than two persons. The most common form of multiple partner marriage is polygyny, a marriage of one husband and multiple wives who are each sexually exclusive with the husband. Worldwide, Muslims are those who are most likely to be polygynous, with the highest concentrations of contemporary polygyny in the Middle East and parts of Africa. Polyandry –a marriage of one wife to multiple husbands — is far more rare, as marriages between one woman and multiple men have received less social, political, and cultural support than having polygynous relationships.
Open relationships are varied enough to be an umbrella term for consensually nonmonogamous relationships based on a primary couple who are “open” to sexual contact with others. The most common form of open relationship is that of a married or long-term committed couple that takes on a third (or sometimes fourth or fifth) partner whose involvement and role in the relationship is always secondary. A couple practising this relationship type might engage in sexual activity with the secondary partner together or separate, or they may each have independent outside relationships with different secondary partners—regardless of the specific parameters, the primary couple always remains a priority. Generally rooted in specific rules, expectations, and communication between those involved, open relationships may take a variety of forms and may evolve over time as needed to meet the needs of those persons involved. Swinging, monogamish, polyamorous/poly-fidelitous, and anarchistic relationships can all be considered “open.”
Among recognized or intentional forms of non-monogamy, swinging is the best known and most popular. Most broadly, swinging involves committed couples consensually exchanging partners specifically for sexual purposes. It is tremendously diverse, ranging from brief interactions between or among strangers at sex parties or clubs, to groups of friends who know each other and socialize for many years. Begun as the practice of “wife swapping” among US Air Force pilots after World War II, swinging has spread across the globe and become quite popular on the Internet. Generally a heterosexually-focused sub-culture, swingers have a reputation for being much more open to “girl on girl” same-sex interaction but often explicitly reject sexual contact between men at swing clubs or parties.
Popularized within the last few years by Dan Savage, monogamish relationships are those in which a couple is primarily monogamous but allows varying degrees of sexual contact with others. As with other non-monogamy, rules structuring these external sexual contacts vary by couple: Some allow only one-night stands (no second time with the same person) or only specific kinds of sexual activity (ie. kissing and groping are OK but no intercourse) and others have time (no more than a week) or location limitations (only when people are traveling or not at home).
Polyamory and Polyfidelity
Polyamory is a relationship style that allows people to openly conduct multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, ideally with the knowledge and consent of all involved in or affected by the relationships. Polyfidelity is similar except that it is a closed relationship style that requires sexual and emotional fidelity to an intimate group that is larger than two. Polyaffective relationships are emotionally intimate, non-sexual connections among people connected by a polyamorous relationship, such as two heterosexual men who are both in sexual relationships with the same women and have co-spousal or brother-like relationships with each other.
Given the anarchist nature of this relationship philosophy, it is difficult to pin down an exact definition of relationship anarchy (RA), but two themes appear regularly in the writings of people who discuss it. First, relational anarchists are often highly critical of conventional cultural standards that prioritize romantic and sex-based relationships over non-sexual or non-romantic relationships. Instead, RA seeks to eliminate specific distinctions between or hierarchical valuations of friendships versus love-based relationships, so that love-based relationships are no more valuable than are platonic friendships. Each relationship is unique and can evolve as participants require; if the conflict arises, people deal with the issues or the relationship comes to an end. Because love is abundant, people can have many concurrent meaningful and loving relationships that are not limited to the couple format.
Second, another important theme within RA is the resistance to placing demands or expectations on the people involved in a relationship. Whereas swingers and polyamorists often create specific rules and guidelines to structure their relationships, RA rejects such rules as inevitably leading to a hierarchical valuation of some partners over others. In RA, no one should have to give anything up or compromise in order to sustain a relationship; rather, it is better to amicably separate than to sustain an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship. ”
Got all that? now we go deeper…In this (large, robust) kink-community, “The Lifestyle” It is unusual to find kinksters who are not at least non-monogamous, with many being full poly. I am the outlier as a polygamous person. There is also a large poly community, and kink is definitely not required.
Your Kinks not my kink but Your kinks ok ….remember? So anyway, not sure if that makes sense? Non-poly kinksters are uncommon, non-kink poly people are common.
I suspect this is because people often have clear likes and dislikes in kink. Both from socially engineered aspects, and the aspect that they desire things that the ” normal people” don’t see as valid and they do see as taboo..Being poly makes this easy, as no one person needs to tick all the boxes. Everyone is satisfied, it can be a great arrangement.
I’ll comment on a few of your other questions from messenger and email.
I know of two very prominent couples in both communities (kink and poly) who have 24/7 power exchange relationships. Both have partners they are married to and additional slaves. I know that the poly couple allows at least some of the slaves to have other partners. The kink couple, at least one of their property dates freely. Both in the kink couple have other partners for certain. I’m fairly certain the poly couple is firmly Master/slave, the kink couple…I know one identifies as a switch, Just as I do, however, I think in my humble opinion of course, “empathetic compassionate but imperfect beings as we are, could you think of a more comparable or compatible balance? than Two switches searching for answers together? Both not wishing to step closer than the other allows?. Surely such a combination would become enjoyable and educational to both? I cannot see the other to submitting to anyone else, As she has already found her hearts desire in that respect, but I would never speak to private thoughts.
In both cases, absolutely everyone knows everything. Consent is a HUGE thing, so there’s no way something like that would ever be hidden. Indeed the open ness of this brings a stable balance to the equation.
On the counterpoint Not doing so, Not being open and honest about this point, brings the other partners to a point where they see the out side person trying to get into their relationship as a threat, and this is multiplied by the out side person, in this case, being transgendered. “Another woman threatens our partnership and stability. ” Personally I cannot see this as a valid point. Mainly because adding to a pool of awesome ness and not subtracting has to be a good goal in the terms of relationship evolution.
For the domination question, that’s all about what you negotiated. If you allow your sub/slave/property to be used by others, that’s cool. If you don’t, that’s cool too. Your kinks Not my Kink but your kinks ok. Only works if you truly adhere to it believe it and trust it to be a truth! I happen to be in a situation where, such things Can be discussed and negotiated, with a balanced and fair Owner.
Although non-monogamy is very common, it is in extremely poor taste to go up to a random collared person and assume you can play with them. Some S-types (submissives) are allowed to do their own negotiation, some D-types( Dominants) insist a potential partner approach them. And Any one in these situations is advised to at the very least talk the matter through completely with the lead or Dominant person of the relationship before such an attempt is made.
Either way, grabbing a random is quite likely to get you banned from organized events. As in RL so in SL.
I am in a triad, a fantastic one, FFF. The three of us do engage in kink as we’re all lifestylers The other F is a slave bottom so she has two play partners to explore that with, and everything is great. The Relationship expands when and contracts, as any relationship would do, over time, and we are currently expanding. Something we Brightflames™ are well known for;)
I`m Sorry for such a long blog post, But, No actually I am not sorry, this needed to be said. Nor will I ever be sorry I think, for standing up against socially engineered morality!. I remain Rose Brightflame™