Not time for rose, so Monday as some of you know, I took a barrage of tests. From scans and xrays to blood and sonar, I was poked,prodded, and then irradiated!. Now glowing in the dark has its uses. But hilarity doesn’t stop a rule from worrying.

I suppose some people would ask, why this test has me more worried than the last? To answer that, you would have to understand the past, and as far as I know only Alice knows the whole truth of that. No I have not, deliberately hidden my past, far from it. But yet, I have not gone out of my way to explain it, or my condition I guess as well as I could , or should have done.

So perhaps in this cold sun of the new morning, this makes the perfect time to do so. You may want to get a warm drink and a smoke handy. Just a thought. If you don’t wish to know I won’t be offended, indeed if you don’t wish to know don’t read this page, I won’t ever know if you read this, unless I see you in world of course, because your reaction will be obvious.

Let’s get some basics out in the open. I am forty five years of age, I have no family past some of the closest friends on the planet. At least in blood line reality ways. I am six foot seven tall, green eyes, my hair was red in my youth, but these days it’s dyed I have always been”gifted”with a large chest. In fact just out of the interests of this air of openness, I grew to double j. I had breast reduction nearly seven years ago. and now am more comfortable with double f. Considering the fascination with large breasts in SL, you may wonder why. But even a girl likes a little mystery.

I am mute, not deaf. I can sign in both asl and bsl, and even have come to terms with this situation. Not speaking for so many years, has its upsides and it’s down sides. An upside is that I learned to focus on hearing. And seeing became truly an awesome thing.

Because we don’t really see we look but don’t really see. Just as we hear but don’t really listen. Being mute, gave me a gift that I wasn’t expecting. With the extra listening and seeing, came understanding, not only from the extra information, but also from the accumulated knowledge of how people react, how people find their paths. And when those paths get detailed, I am usually able to find their path and put them back on track.

Now the knitty gritty bit, still here? Good!

Inside the voice box there are small flaps of skin which vibrate against each other. And air of course. In my case the throat was damaged, by a Cain collar, so those flaps don’t vibrate. The tests Monday where to see if my throat had recovered long enough to allow surgery, and in turn this will it’s hoped allow me to speak. I am in two minds if after all this time I actually want this.

But then as the cosmos knows when to intervene, She did send me a doctor along my path, that said in certain terms,”if you will allow your throat to recover and relax and growth to occur, my surgeons and I will restore you a voice” now far be it from me to laugh, but every Surgeon that looked before said no. This man however with pearly teeth and slight stature not only said yes, but convinced me of his sincerity.

So Monday I took the tests, and Friday,I had the results. Although I am growing, not enough yet. So we wait a little longer.

Till next I write, love sparkles and hope for a smile to you all Rose xx