Can you recall the moment you fell for someone? The precise point in time when you knew, without any doubt that something had clicked?  Changed your very path, your journey. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.  Trying to work out a few wrinkles in three fabrics of life is never easy.  But it leads me to thinking about the first moment I knew how I felt  about someone, or the exact time or situation that was occurring when I changed my path.

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I suppose really, this brings us to a wider question. How we perceive we are in control of our path. And of course this also changes the perception of how our paths are formed.  This brings us dangerously close to religion, and a you should be aware by now, I don’t force my belief on any one. But in general it works like this.

The cosmos makes, has made, will make, choices for each of us.  The cosmos knows what and why and where and how.  And we follow the hints the cosmos leaves us.  Thinking of course we are choosing. But in reality we are being led along a path designed for us.

At points in the path we reach forks in the road. These forms are designed to give us the illusion that we are choosing which way we go. Who we align to, who we avoid. Which jobs we take, down to the smallest detail of say, putting salt and on your fish.  We humans precise in our diligence, and blinded by the false illusion of life, think we make the choices but the reality is the choices are already pre written.

Once you hold this thought train, Pandoras box opens before you.  Look back in your life  at the lives you have had and ponder, what if?  What if I was meant to meet him or her, to teach me a lesson about him or her or a behaviour or a manner or to learn a skill or simple to be the waiting for the right person to be available.  When you look back at the past this way, you change the whole game plan of life.  Because you’re choices no longer matter. But the way you deal with the choices you make, matters more.

The thought that you now holds in that inspection of your self, gives you the opportunity to sit on a rock and work out, why that failed, why that worked. . Why you still remember something’s clear as a bell and others only when reminded. Why did you dare that geek in school?  Why drives you take that chance at the showers with her or him?  Why?  Because your meant to. To learn lessons about you.

So rant over let’s look at me a moment. I met kara, a woman I fell head over heels in love with, we shared food,bed space, living space, everything for nearly eight years, and though that time was not easy together we accomplished many things some will find hard to understand, she taught me to be me.  It took a few years for her and I to find the place in our lives as real time kipony girls, to be able to really connect more than just a sexual partnership, while I learned of lessons about the choices we had made that paved us in the situations we where in.  Eventually she told me about her past, being a woman trapped in a mans body, the operations, the bullying. And together we forged our life.

Kara taught me more about myself than she did about herself.  That took me so very long to understand.  Because before kara came into my life I was traped in the illusion that I was making choices.  She made me realise that I meet people to learn about us, and how to deal with us. And the situations we are in. So you see dear reader, being rose, meeting falling for and becoming a slave to Mistress Brace, well that’s fate. And falling in love with her. Was inevitable. Everything is now. The past is a future, the future is already history.

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And me?  I knew the moment She spoke to me. Outside the monument, across from layas’s shop on the mountain. I knew then this was the woman for me,  but then, I knew the women in the next picture would always be my friend and loves the moment we entered the fountain square.

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Till next we speak. …. Love and sparks Rose xx

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