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I think this t shirt I picked in this picture  is perfect because it kind of  represents the irony of the time and balance that slightly restores the very essence  of my minds current state.  Yes I am a doctor in paper annotation and real time, but honestly, I don’t and won’t use that title as I don’t feel it represents me.  This t shirt does how ever.

And that’s what prompts this post.  That sometimes things you see aren’t quite what they appear. And that’s pretty much how some events of the past few days have panned out. There has for some time now been a feeling that I am not quite on the same level as others and I hide it well, in fact, some see me hiding who and what I am and they think I am fucking nuts. But the balance that my own internal fight has now allowed to surface, has the actual truth staring me in the face.

Yesterday during an intimate moment with mistress we got into discussions on one of our friends. And how close I could be if I allowed myself to be seduced by the person.  I have to say she was close to the truth, but the facts don’t support her conclusion that I would be good for h.now ok, yes we are on the same wavelength and has its true h is as close to perfectly awesome and well grounded would indeed be a close match but (and here the truth comes and slaps its dick on the desk,) But….. She’s a he. And anyway, my heart is already locked into a relationship with a woman that is closer to my mind than h is . A great friend and I wouldn’t want to loose h true, but he and I both agree it’s never likely to happen and I think in a way that is a common base to build on  our friendship has grown more honest because of that.

The thing is, and here I am being blunt., I am more lesbian in real life than I am in sl. Now that may sound a strange statement, but the truth is yeah, I can cope with a bit of a dick in sl, but I don’t go near it in real time. Haven’t since I was nineteen really wanted a cock, so yeah ok, I have had cock since then, but not by choice  and not something I ever really miss either to be fair. So then I was thinking about other events that have reared their heads recently. The five family members that my post, sipping tea were all about have indeed headed the warning, and at the last moment resolved to adhere to the rules. So there is hope, but then some other things that have occurred have  balanced out  the feelings. 

One has been the silver tongued one, who has finally found her way home to the position next to me to be called sister. And that was one of the least expected  predictions I made nearly three months ago.  Another was the unexpected twist to the fact that one of the family who I have lusted after since before I became part of this fine family has delivered with true and perfectly true to form style.  I can’t say much about this yet, but suffice is to say the family support this change in the plan. But then it gets stranger as the balance of the cosmos seems to throw in strange twists to the theme of the world. Can it really be that I can be so rewarded with my girl’s decision?  To upgrade from sub to slave.? I never hoped or dare to dream this was to be possible and yet that is the nature of the cosmos. Then to compound my confusions, but not to surprise me, I guess, two more girls have asked for today’s lecture to be on the topic of what is defined and expected of slavery as opposed to submission.   Which I suppose  is timely.

Strange perhaps how the balance is achieved in the grand scheme of things. My girl, for example unwittingly allowed herself to display the most perfect mindset for the transition to slavery that I could t have ever hoped to have translated to her. And yet she didn’t see this until I pointed it out that desirinf to be named while on tour in her hotel room and to accept and accomplish the things she has while away from sl has shown more devotion than most would believe possible I am so jumbled and proud of her.

So what else to say as the dawn approaches the day? Only  this,  Alice I respect your happiness more than most will understand. Zz your still on the desired list! Dagney if you could get passed the big boobs and giant form, I would say yes. And we both know I am one of the only women who had ever shown you a truth about fists. And that is just the tip of that iceberg. And to be fair I am rather looking forward to the up coming training on the all new steeples. So with all that said, I am going.  See ya later…..love and sparklez rose  xxx   

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