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I`ve been wanting to make this post for a while now. I keep putting it off. One thing or another  just divert`s me from it.  And  sometimes,  I sit here looking at the keyboard and loose time just pondering if this is the right thing to do, to post a  blog post on  families  or  on the  regrets  and choices we have made in the past, that form who we are now.

When I was in alcohol land,  I`d wander over to the pond at the back of the switch,  and sit there just watching the  electronic pixilated pond and its  surrounding flowers for hours. As my mind drifted to memories both happy and sad.   Now I don’t  even have that option. So instead, I have found a bowling alley, way up in the clouds, and I sit on the landing pad there  and ponder life online.

Todays ” Ponderings ”  bring me to the choices and life events that have made the family  I am now a proud member of. Oh, I know   the family was here before me, and will, I hope, be here long after I`m gone. The short span if my “existence” marked by the passing of time.  What else will I leave? My imprint of the family perhaps,  my   style of doing things remembered with a hatred that burns in the flames of passion on cold nights? A story to tell, others, to fear the banshee woman that haunts your nightmares? Some I hope  recall me with fondness, others out of  kindness  perhaps?   The odd item of buildings that show a memory marker in the Sims? In truth, I  am unsure how I will be remembered.  If at all.

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Family, real  Family, does not come from your blood, (pun intended, you`ll see why in a  bit) or a name or title, it’s the people Standing around you when no one else can  or will. In our case  they`d  probably be swinging the bat and  shouting  ” ok  whose next… ” No family is perfect… we argue we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is family… the love will always be there. Having somewhere to go and lay my head  is home, Having someone to love and who loves me for being Me, not the image they want me to be. But being ME, that is family, Having both is a blessing, My Mother used to say  ” You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity.” wise woman My MA, because in this picture, this image in your mind,  is My hearts, My dignity, loyalty, respect, my truth.  My world  and my  lust.. My  focus and My family..  The Bright flames..
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Yesterday I was forced to make a visit to My Queen, and Her new stable home for Our Horde.  Another family… Though  unlike the Bright flames,  where I have fewer people, who I don’t get along with too well, (working progress,  I aim to like all, before I end my  time in  sl) The  Scarlet Horde has more than a few that, well to be honest and fair…  I openly despise, two  at least currently, I would spike and drain and not think twice about  destroying (vampire term  don’t get upset..)… If I so much as caught them in the open on “BL” land.   And three others,  I would happily  “de rez”  for  the rest of their  mortal  lives.  BUT     that would fly in the face of the  families   paragraph   and ethos….. Because, as Much as these people have earned my despite… And yes, two of them  have earned a spot close to hatred.. Which for me is a VERY strong word to ever use… My queen counts them as family   and so I must.. Listen to my own words ” No family is perfect… we argue we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is family”

As I  stated in an earlier post,  I have been removing memory blocks regrets and Walls, barriers that have kept my mind in a state of mild panic. Little things that have bugged me, was ranted out  against the wind,  screamed and spoken out.  While images can be displayed in words, the desire to remove regrets and pain   that has been caused by others, or by me…. Either through bad choice or questionable paths, that have failed to arrive at the point in space that was with acceptable parameters.  And here  we have the  same philosophy  wrapped in the   dilemma of my historical mistakes and regrets.   From past  relationships, that became  far more intense than  ever was or should have been, to one night stands that  lasted long enough to linger. I have analyzed and  removed each blocked and muted individual, yes even those i  despise.

So  what to the future?   Some i hate are now to be family….. And with that turn of events..  Comes new understanding.  Though old  philosophy  will  suffice to  hold the horde together.. and i   do not  think myself  foolish  enough to   know that   I cannot   after I click publish on this post    ever trust  them to be behind me or make a shield wall with me,  for they would be foolish not to attack me first.  Unlike me, they  will not  read this post  nor will they   deem in  need to    follow the principle of family.,.   These assumptions  are based on the   historical facts that each has presented.

As  for me, I`m Hers  until She doesn’t want me and auctions me, or i expire.

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