Recent events at the home of the family, Bright flame, have given me a rare opportunity to step back and evaluate my place not only in the family, but also in second life  as a whole.

I have taken time away from sl,whilst my Owner has been on vacation and whilst I am suspended from hosting at the hollow,  to try to understand  and justify returning to the once over active and action packed time I have come to enjoy as my time online.

Spending up to eighteen hours a day online for an extended period of time, has given me  unique educational insight into the people around me, and I have to say two of those people  I have fallen very deeply in love with, but as they do say balance is everything, with the upside cones a downside. There for there are more than a few that have, once you scratch past the surface beauty of words and avatars, turned out to be other than I had hoped they were, and this is quantified  by an English sailing term “fireship” a ship disguised to lure other treasure seekers in close enough to get burned.

With hearts of gold my family is like any other year,  filled with individual people, all of whom are unique in their manner and moral aptitude. As my profile points out we are family,  sometimes we run smooth,  other times we do not,  but as long as all remain true to the pillars that bind the family, and to rule one of the Brightflame codes of conduct to be true to yourself, then the family will survive and grow.

Thoughts have grown like weeds in my mind, because for the first time in three months I have not hosted the four two hour sessions this week, and not stressed bout notices DJs or flames, which takes up an extra two hours four times a week. I think people don’t realise how much work goes into hosting a two hour event, let alone doing it four times a week for three months straight.

Not hosting has, however, given those weeds time to grow ..And several concepts that I have to my shame repeatedly put off have finally had time to germinate. One such concept is “why are you even contemplating returning?” the answer is around my neck. And around my finger. I am both  married and enslaved online and offline to my own, and married and responsible for and to my petal.  Add to this sisters eve and Laura, and my daughter Hymalaya and you start to see reasons for returning. Layas twin sister,  and her (layas) wife Chalcedony. Plus of course Tenshi,tanks,joy and Ceraph who I am watching over, whilst Mistress Brace is away on vacation  all give me reason enough,on both sides of that coin.  though  I do understand that some might miss me as a resource to give them space to do whatever they wish to do instead of having to do the chores I do…. I do have to wonder if anyone misses my presence or is glad of the freedom that I am not there….

Many such thoughts press my course of mindset, and provide the details of the direction my mind takes, as it wanders around trying to justify the time I have spent in second life.

I have you say the jury is still out as to if I shall remain in second life once Mistress returns for the same amount of time I previously employed. The hosting talks more out of the energy that is me, than I thought possible, and it only works when the crew that surrounds, you can be trusted and or are even people that are cared about. But still I am owned as such She tasks me with the hosting and I must obey.

Some amongst you will recall my attempts to resign from hosting a while ago, all of which came to no avail, as I was informed its at Her pleasure, and others pointed out that only owners and managers can boot me or close a show,  so I am obeying my owner until she is, I think, going to be petitioned by the other management to relieve me of such duties. Not because of the way I have pushed them into this action but because of their own desires to enforce agendas that I do not adhere to…..

Issues between some of us have caused me to step back, and take stock of exactly why I host, and with whom, indeed there are flames I would rather not host, and others I would happily remove from the friends list based solely on the ” smile to my face” and insult me when my backs turned policy they both employ. And of course, when caught doing so with health or some other card is held up as a reason. But in the spirit of fairness to the collar I wear, I host them and try to give equal and fair air time to them at least in public.

You will, ok the avid readers of this blog at least will, note that I have not mentioned vampires for a while, this is due to three reasons, first and foremost of which is that I was clawed and turned hybrid by my queen, which I had hoped would show loyalty and fealty to the horde, but which has actually driven the wedge deeper between us all ( me and them) and placed me in a state of near isolation. This has of course given me reason to investigate other options as such I have gently stepped back from further upsetting the rest of the horde and concentrated instead on my own achievements.

The time may come, I think when the predictions I made to become a rouge silent horde member only appearing to defend my queen and staying solitary for the remainder of my time. But we shall see, as I made a promise not to openly attack ringleader of the opposition whilst I remain bonded to my queen, I suppose this will give my queen further cause to keep me on a tight leash, for I think if that ever is relaxed or I am free then certain” loyal family member” will have to keep very low profiles, and away from open hunting Sims. .

I started to train and a quiet the weapons of camp and lycan, hybrid powers and train with a friend from another horse, which if I return I will spend hours training with the goal of ensuring that no one from fox to cute vampire, will be able to withstand a straight duel. That way I may stay within the rules, but still be ready for my chance to drain the life out of those who would if given the chance end me in their precious cabal.

So WhatToDo?  ToLookToTheFuture!

Hmmm that’s for another post I think…..