As names for  public houses go, I think this one, is  one of the better ones! Then again  I`ve heard so many plays on words lately,  the warmest cave, the softest  curtains,  creation cave… the oven of love….Finds a bucket to  throw up in . But I heard some   girl  use this ” Velvet Vice ”   and  it struck a chord in me.


Normally, of course, such things would be  so far below one’s station! But then  One does hear   the words   in the lower  stations  just as  often these days as  one hears “Fortnum and  Masons” tea being  related to  ” a right nice cuppa” And of course, one should never  ever   enlist nor engage in such a conversation for  fear of being found out   doing so !. But it did make me chuckle.

For a variety of reasons, I have seen close up  these Vices,  some of which  have, I have to say,  been rather tasty. Others  could do with more .. salt. This  debate  as I was  washing  down the finger box,  was educational  as  such I have  rounded up some of the most  fascinating   allotted names for  a ladies   soft  secrets.. and  presented them in this  diatribe!

 So  to begin,  “Badly packed kebab, Meat wallet, Axe wound,” should never be uttered even in polite company after pims!,” French fry dip, Penis fly trap. Stench trench, Cave of wonders, Beardedoyster,Pink canoe,Pink fortress,Soggybox,Baby cannon,Hippo’s yawn ” Are all  representative of a bygone age where people wore  elbow pads and smoked a pipe!   Juicebox, Pink taco,  Juicebox

Handwarmer, Cock socket, Mum’s glovebox, Tampon tunnel, Meat flap, Vague, are almost as bad as  Front bottom, Flower, Kitty( cliff Richards?), Bajingo, Foo-foo, Hoo-hee, Hoo-hoo (etc) And lets face it ladies  it could be worse  but I`ll guarantee  every one of you in Walmarts has heard one of these phrases! and not from the kids that are learning these to protect their  fragile lol minds!

Wizard’s sleeve, milk bucket, Chasm of doom,The abyss,The grandest canyon all sound rather childish but are in fact used in everyday society  in certain red light districts  and bad pornographic films!


I Cant think why  these sold so well at the church  fete?


Now please  excuse me  while I take my super sonic  rocket  socket, for a race round G&H


See you soon Rose  x