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But, in that statement, we find, perhaps a possible  truth. Of course,  history  doesn’t repeat itself it`s a philosophical  impossibility. But the humans who  inhabit the world  at large   repeat mistakes they   do not learn from. This is older than time as a given  understanding. But a truth, in this case, is  that  logical and illogical  behaviour  can be repeated as a  tried and tested   agreeable  to some  solution to  current  situations  problems or emotions.

Take for example  the playground  scene.  He / she stole my  brush  I `ll  either use violence OR  I’ll  get a new brush,  I’ll  report them if I become brave enough to knock on that door.  I`ll tell my mum .

Simple  solutions to the  current situation, at the time of that event.

A more current situation    ”  she / he said something against me on that  fooking  blog,   I’ll ban their ass to oblivion   ! I’ll  tear strips off them  in  verbal  combat  (   well  ok  typed)  I`ll report their ass to  the teacher…  erm   LL

But  really  what’s changed? Have I  made a change to the life that I lead? that may account for this change in the behaviour of others,  or Have I stagnated along with the culprit?  Honestly, I can’t say  I  have changed all that much. Or have I ? OKOK  stop laughing..   My AVI  has changed  OMG yes ! Here look

Snapshot _ The Wolf's Den, Jania (86, 21, 22) - Moderate

 

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Yes   just a few memories .. and many  other changes too, this is  just a  snapshot in time.   But the point I’m making is  that “me”  the “me” that is sitting here typing this has changed.  I hope for the better,  but that remains to be seen.

I`ve changed because a  special person made me change, no , even that isn`t  right.   A pair of special  people made me change. Forced me to   stare at myself.  Coerced me to be more than I was. They blackmailed me damn it! And I loved  every  painful  tear-filled moment of it. A french Woman, with a  better grasp of the  English language than she lets on!.   And All American Southern Lady  of  distinct   education and  ability! Between these two woman,  and for perhaps the first time  since I was at  Uni,  I was  made to   rethink  “Me”

It has not been easy, But then no one said life would be. And it  certainly  has not  appeared so to me yet!. The lessons I have learned from the cosmos, which  are still ongoing I hasten  to add, not having  died yet! Are  teaching me More and More about Me.  Not  just the Person I want to be, but the person I am. One thing I must say here  is this, ” I  did NOT  find god!” in fact the  single  god   that seems to be rife these days   didn’t  even bother with me, and I`m  rather happy bout that.  No, I  didn’t  find a  single god,  and  he  or she  didn’t  find me.   What  did I  find?   Balance.. Patience  LOVE.  How  unexpected was that ?

The problem with the  original theory is it  doesn’t take into account the  simple  fact that a  slight change in  a human  can change the entire  format of the  conundrum.  So, for example, the butterfly  effect, I`m sure you have all heard of it a  Butterfly   flaps wing sin   central  park  and  in   china  a  tsunami  strikes? Well,  add that  to the idea that the slightest  change to that butterfly,  facing the other way . only flapping one wing..  and the results could be anything from  Australia   becoming  a volcano  to  England  being  washed away.

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So in effect, I have changed. I  hope enough to change the parameters of the  scene. Though it`s been gradual and careful,   and even in a way  cathartic.  But more than that I  see history  not repeating itself  in My case because the program for me has  changed. So I cannot,   no matter how hard I try to  recreate the  situation , repeat it.

Of Course, this doesn’t stop Others from repeating the same mistakes they have not learned from.   It is  said that  everyone must learn from their own mistakes. But the truth is,  some  cheat and use  others crib sheets. People ask me why there are so  few pics for  my time at  Caged?

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I learned.

And my  History  will NOT  repeat itself.

Damn it, I  sound all determined. But reality  says I  have moved  past this. And Of Course,  the ban lines on Her land mean  I can’t  return 😉  So  will it make for  difficult  times ahead?  We shall see. It is  most  definitely  going change some of the vampire roleplay, and perhaps a few more friendships  must  change. But these will do as  the cosmos will`s them to do .

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Recent words on the wind,  Pictures  thrones, and collars  have brought fresh pain and hurt to the  house.  And ultimately  that  Must be addressed.  But She taught me  balance  and patience. and  They taught me to love  and  know  a  truth..

Till next  we  meet.  Be  nice to each other.  enjoy the sparkles

 

Rose xx

 

 

 

 

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