Unresolved desires are at best, toxic, unstable, and dangerous. They hold the ability to destroy a peaceful, calm mindset. The distraction, they can cause is undeniable. After careful consideration of my desires, I have found a very rare few desires that remain in this category.
Desires unlike fantasies and wants and needs of course, are a driving force in the day to day running of my thoughts. Both in terms of how I can better serve my owner, and how I can improve or enhance my own situation. So it follows that unresolved desires can nibble at the edges of my consciousness.
How these desires can be resolved remains in debate. From the outset such desires should be easy to solve, wanting and fantasizing about having wild sexual intercourse with a blonde shemale, I happen to have very deep longings for, or indeed cornering and capturing the heart of a silver tounged devil who still holds my interest in more ways than I care to mention.
Some of these desires it is impossible to resolve, for many reasons, one is that the two people in question are either partnered to a person that dislikes me intensely, or are compared and owned by a person I have previously discussed and who does not allow me such a degree of intimacy with the subject of my desire
Of course I respect the owners wishes, and there for the matter is placed securely in the unresolved category. Even though it is or at least should be of no surprise to either, as these desires have been in the past made perfectly, bluntly clear.
So these two desires, that cannot be easily solved, continue to bubble at my thoughts. And such a distraction leads me to darker places in my hopes and dreams that honestly I only ever speak about, to one person. Should I abandon such desires?
Should I simply write them off as unresolveable? Or should I continue to keep holding those desires in the space of my dreams? A fantasy that cannot be solved easily ? Dilemma’s that have as yet no answer.
As any slave will tell you, such desires have little place in ones day to day service of an owner, except perhaps as a dalliance or passing idea to illuminate a scene. And always at Her request! And I am most fortunate to have such an understanding owner who allows me such leaway. And yet I find I have not resurfaced or ignored either unresolved desire to bring them back yo her attention. Why then would I wish to disrupt the lifestyle and day to day thougts and pleasures of Her with such trivial personal desires? And yet they eat at me more and more when I see a flickr pic of yet another of her conquest’s.
It’s not jealous green eyed monster lurking however, nor is it the desire to merely resolve this conundrum that drives me, with either the post or my own selfish wants and needs. But moreover it is a desire to understand why I have not brought it to my oener,brought it up in passing, or indeed mentioned this to the people in question,not wanting to appear pushy perhaps?
And then there is another aspect of this trait, where as the obvious course would be to act on these desires make them known beg for their fulfilment. It would also appear to my mind disrespectful to my oener for even having such desires, and also most glaringly obvious is that by not telling Her I am withholding from her a crime that is truly punnishable and could jeapordise my collar.
Why has this become so damn hard to resolve? I have had desires and several offers before, to both fuck and be fucked by even heterosexual males and yet turning them down ,telling her was so easy! So why in these two cases is life so damn hard! No pun intended!
I think a long debate with my owl is in order, I will let you know how this one turns out!
Till next time stay safe xxxx