​Who was Queen Medb? Most notably she was the warrior queen of Connacht, the western province of Ireland. It is said that her father was king of Connacht before becoming High King of Ireland and she became ruler of Connacht after him. She had five recognised husbands, and ruled for over 60 years. 
But there is a darker side to the Lady of the lakes sister. And in the same way, we all have a light and a dark side. Some of course  are darker than others. And I am no exception to the rule

I said in an earlier post that I have spent time contemplating my history, the whole then and now,what am I ?  what have I become? What was I? Where am I going, where have I been? To answer these questions completely would take longer than i would wish to blog, but in a way, I can sumerise the answers  and condensed them with an overview. And I hope dispell some of the outright fantasies that some have decided to believe as fact.

Who I was is irrelevant,  but in short terms, I was a lost soul, searching for something I could neither find, nor grasp. I started my journey as a mistress, a slave trader, a Brothel owner. But as all good plans are stored on first contact with the enemy,  so I was destroyed by my own arrogance. 
Arrogance, like desire, lust and greed, became the nature of who I was, decidedly over educated,  and overly confident in my assurance of my own self worth,  I gambled with emotions, Toyed with female flesh,  and peddaled desires for coin.  And I love the challenges, the delights,even the very coins that allowed me to shop with unlimited prejudice. And then I met my nemisus, stephanie. Young, gifted, cocky and with a sensual mind that rove me to destraction.   She was everything I wanted wrapped in a shell of innocence. What I did not recon on, nor counter upon, was the fact Stephanie was a fireship. 
She bled me dry, emotionally, physically, and financially. The last included all my second life funds, an then started to drink my actual funding. Demanding crazier, gifts, and in the end when I was broken,she wrapped a collar around my neck , gave me one night of complete freedom,and then promptly auctioned me.
Humiliating me to the point of almost  leaving everything I took  sabatical, when I returned  I lost myself in a world of ponies girls before choosing to try this in real time.  It could be said that I ws loosing my mind and during that time I made life changes which basically changed all outlooks,
In real time, I took the upgrade, took the plane, stopped the world, and vanished into an underground world of extreme ponygirl. With my partner and stable mate, I learned in the most painful way imaginable, that I needed to change, and in those changes, both physical and mental evolution and the sparks of truth, started to blow embers in my heart and soul. These embers grew in furious streams, until the unthinkable happened. 
At a ponygirl steeple chase, kara, fell and broke her back. The end result of this tragedy, was to shape all my future. And while this was formidable in its deepest darkest truths, the over the top end of the merry go round, caused my heart to garden. And in that moment of clarity, I returned to second life, we travelled and then returned to old haunts, a new world of wonders, awaited, and with small steps  we returned to online pony training. Owners came and went, some worthy of note, others not web the ink to print here. 
Still I was missing things in this world and in real time, which simply cold not be found. In hind sight they simply were not ready to be revealed. Even when Kara took her life to end the pain of her dissatisfied and disabled, troubled life, my own life became more complex. Drifting in and out of relationships that were pointless. Fruitless hope that caused more and more of the person I was, to retreat to the comfort of soitude. Whilst screaming for someone to pay attention, I lost sight of my own goals,lost sight of a future, and sank into depression.
Contemplating leaving second life, leaving first life was not a thing that I did lightly, or easily. But I was indeed on the brink of those choices, when the cosmos decided to step in and alter life. In the shape of a giant busty snow white wman,I came to love called hymalaya Mao Brightflame.
Overall I was close to the end of my run, and the pity, and parties of self destructive, wanton foolish  even playtimes,became closer to the edge of reason. As I have documented elsewhere, how laya saved me, how I met Brace and Chalcedony. How these three people changed my outlook. But what is not spoken of was peregreena  and Paulinia .  
Greena was instrumental in my recovery, not least because she taught me to sail, her patience teaching me how not to screw up my lines, control of the craft, and how to navigate sim borders, is still a practice and process I use today. And I cannot repay the debt of that.   Except perhaps to be the best sailor I can, to pass on why  learned in my thousand crash learning process.

During one of the flights on the cloud. Sitting with Paulinia, something somewhere in the cosmos clicked into place, she and I knew. But both of us where not in a place to do anything about this.
Moving in the cottage in the mountains of Brightflame hollow, gave me time to rebuild life, to evaluate and make changes, to simplify my minds goal.    It also gave time to both me and Paulinia, to see if there was truly the park that binds us together, where so many partnerships and past relationships had failed so terribly. 

I have been called a wordsmith, an intelligent, intellectual poet, and yet for all my supposed genius, I cannot describe the intensity, of the day Paulinia became my wife. Nor can I define accurately or with deft precision the moment when I became hers. I think it happened when where went bed shopping. But as gallent as I may be, some things I just won’t tell you!  Was a lot of fun finding out though! 

What followed is well documents here in the blog. But lets dispell a few other rumours while I have your attention. It was laya who suggested I stopped using the rcb on my picks, as a tiny snippet based blog, and do it properly.even the title rcb ” rose cour Brightflame ” was layas idea. Finding the course of our evolution both mentally and in the case of the very blog, helped me find me. And that debt I can never repay.

Till next post I remain proudly Rose Brightflame stay safe and sparkle! 

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