Rose Brightflame™

The Journey thoughts and views and personal opinions of Rose


July 2017

Memory waters……. 

Gentle winds lift the sumit of crested waves barely rippling against the side of the boat.  I reflect upon the week  as we glide the boat along the side of a memory.  The Galaxy,  where I first got my introduction to being a whore for cash.  Happy memories flow side by side with the fear and shame,  but when I reflect upon those times,  they formulate the desire to be better that I still hold dear. 

Gentle soft tilting of boat as we round the north edge of the galaxy,  recalling how I was abducted from that job to work in a seedy strip joint, with the same game plan but promised better clients.  That is a giggle to be fair,  as the clients were worse but the lindens was more frequent. The end result was being sold to RRR andMiss Buttons as a pony girl. 

So as we raise the jib,  I reflect how those memories,  those events made me who I am. And with that,  I must thank the cruise liner for her silent education.  Heading out to Naughty Nautilus and dropping the spinny,  we find the same truth comes to the for ground with surprising ease.  As a former friends home comes into view, I see hope in the vessels there that the former friend is rebuilding their lives with consummate ease.  

Each timber freaks as we pass Ahabs were I learned to sail.  The smooth calm water brings little resistance to the bandit as we slow to eight nots,  taking in the sights and wonder of the ancient bones,  bleached white by their time in the sun. 

Bones one day is all we must be.  Gently rubbing Her thigh a smile shared a memory in sharp focus,  brings a smile.  Let’s go home She said,  and me?  I agreed….. Yes! Mistress… Let’s go home….. Rx 


Sometimes the feeling of sad doesn’t cover the truth.  We tel sad for so many reasons.  One has to wonder,  what sad really is?  Is it regret,  loss,  grief, or a sense of longing? 

What we do know is people who say ” sadly I live on the wrong side of (insert object place or person here)  ” actually mean “I wish I lived closer or further away from that ( insert object person or place here).  The second thing we know to be truth.  You are probably not SaD about the most important part…….. You.

Every trial we face, every event that occurs,  every moment of joy or sadness pleasure or pain are all moments in life.  Sounds premium rate hook um right?.  Let me tell you,  before I figured that simple truth about sadness out….. I was in a hot tub with a couple,  one the lady,  was bitching about how sad it was that Carrie,  was thinking about gong to a place that caters for transgendered mind disorder.

It got me to thinking about why how and finally what. It is that we are who and what we are.  And if you think a it, with a new pair of eyes, by changing the Austin to what it isn’t,  you find most peoples sadness,  is really not sad at all. 

Nothing is impossible,  everything is nothing.

More to the point,  nothing is everything!  One day,  sitting by a log fire,  I will tell you why that is my philosophy. 

I feel sad today,  because I was forced to make a choice I didn’t want to make.  In doing so I ended a few happy relationships,  and though I have some memories that will stay with me forever,  the final memory was hurting is hurting still,  of a person I cared for calling me a traitor to the club I and others worked so very hard to keep together,  because I walked out.  After being insulted hey it happens,  but insulting my wife and thinking nothing of that insult was a step too far. 

The newly formed BPMC has two less members today because it saw fit to destroy the friendships and keep the ball rolling firmly in the direction of the trash can.  I truly hope, they learn something from my leaving,  but I fear their choices will stop them from doing so. 

Truly that was the saddest truth of the day,  the loss of people we trusted,  people who insulted and abused our good nature. And friendship.

A sad day,  but as every door closes a new one opened we lay MCs aside letting that drift as we lick our wounds,  and concentrate on sailing.  Till next post, love light and sparkles 

R x 

Nightmares and cures

Nightmares are the true parody of rational thinking,.  Waking from a slumber ,  with your skin glistening in the moonlight may sound romantic or even sensual, though in this case the truth is far from any mills and boon.  
Your eyes do not flutter open like the book’s describe,  moreover you are sat bolt upright eyes open trying usually to get away from the now unseen horror.  The glistening skin is a cold shimmer  of fear perspired at a moment of sheer terror.  It has to be said,  I am no fan of nightmares.  
They got so bad in my pat,  that I simply refused to sleep.  At first they woke me screaming fighting to get away,  from the event that caused them, then they started to paralyze my body.  These nightmares where do strong they would imprison my now lucid conscious mind in a body that refused to move.  
What started out as frightened damp awakening,  turned into heart rending terror.   And soon I was too afraid to sleep.  I tried the medical route after a few nights of the paralyzed fear.  She said ” medication and relaxation therapy would help. ” Soothing sounds and a advil? It did nothing.  
Instead of helping me,  it gave my body an excuse to navigate around the problem.  If you refuse to sleep long enough your body either pops itself to shut down,  or as in my case you find your mind refuses to switch off and this means you rarely sleep.  You learn to change your life yo fit your needs.  So in my case,  I slept every third day.  My body worked the rules out.  
Extreme exhaustion eventually takes its toll and you simply shut down for a period of time.  I was fortunate for many years to live isolated from the world around me.  So no one knew what was really going on,  and I learned to mentality cope and trained my mind to simply not dream because they always turned into the same twisted versions of the same nightmare.  
During the event that changed my life irreparably,  which controlled my existence for so many years. I was too afraid to stop what was being done to me.  At nineteen you really don’t have much choice but to try and exist with the frame work of the situation or give in to the last step in the process.  Usually that is suicide.  
My choices,  those I was allowed to have,  haunt my day to day life in ways I would still have problems with had I not found second life and after kissing many frogs I found my balance in a most unusual environment.  
I became a Brightflame.  My prince,  turned out to be a pair of princesses.  One a vampire,  normal height cute bum,  athletic body,  with a voice to die for! The other was a crazy assed oversized 10ft giant with huge breasts,  a cut bum,  and most perfect freckled face.  
 Balance is the key.  With balance you can weigh odds and averages until you find either the tipping point or you find the counter point.  In the same way you force a child to understand the dangers of fire or drowning.  You find the reasoning and force a balance to occur that is acceptable to the child.  So too the silver younger devil provided me with a tipping point and the giant gave me the counter point.  
The tipping point was remarkably simple in its truth.  She in her usual casual style,  told me to face it by writing it out in a letter to myself explaining what I had done to me.  In short to face the mirror.  
The giantess used the counter point I provided her my submission to her, She flipped that self same counter point and with care and wisdom, She provided the same balance of mind and body to me through the avenue of the lifestyle I have lived for so long.  Bdsm.  Though in this case it was more bDsm.   
Over the next two years,  She has balanced my soil and mind,  given me pause for thought.  And most recently given me the strength to be me.  The only way to repay such a gift,  is with my total obedience and loyalty.  So far I have given up drinking,  smoking,  and my fear of rejection. I have also had fewer nightmares,  and now after much counselling inI am able to sleep.  
I still have nightmares,  they appear  when I am over thinking the past.  Then when I admit it,  She calls me over,  wraps Her arms or chest around me,  forced me to  watch a sunset and returns me the gift of balance. 
Can it truly be so blessed to have finally found a Woman I can say ” I love you ” too? No.  Two women.  Yes.  

The reason why…….. 

So an update on my recent lapse of posts,  and of course the reason why,  as an academic, my spelling and grammar has gone to hell in a hand basket.  
As some of you are aware,  my recent time away was spend in emergency surgery after a blood vessel at the base of my skull exploded.  Now this surgery they decided I needed to save my meager life,  is where they drilled a hole in my skull,  relieve the pressure,  sewn the vessel up and then after nibbling the bone,  they fitted a four inch ceramic plate to my head with screws.  
Between high blood pressure,  low blood pressure diabetes,  and a heart stopping near stroke,  and of course being found on the floor of my boat,  passed out in a near comatose state for many hours.  I seem to be recovering well.  Got home only to pull the cooking stitches out whilst sleeping.  
The Stitches are due out Thursday.  Meds are still a little bit chaotic,  but my OWL and my wife,  are helping me through the harder bits. And a good friend here is helping me keep the boat in order.   And yes it is true that I have lost some memories, and skills both motor skills and physiologically but we fight on we try our best to struggle forwards. 
Diabetic dyslexia doesn’t help!  But the medications are!  Slowly I am regaining near total physical balance.  Not sure my mental state is even close to balance right now,  which is why Brace is keeping me close.  
I just thought you deserved to know why.  Love hugs and sparkles Rose

Pondering the aftermath

The aftermath of yet another remarkable cruise has once more spread its was warm charms on my blotter.  As  I sit with a coffee mug welded to my feel hand. Deciphering the events of yesterday is a game with no end.  And yesterday was no exception. 
Between explained the reasoning for enhanced education,  testing a new track,  and cruising the top less cruise.  I managed,  to really out do my usual self.  Accomplishing both rekindling of a friendship I knew I had lost,  and recovering a friendship I nearly gave away,  to making a new friend.  Not easy in my current situation.  But certainly worthwhile.  
Explaining why I am as moody as a sea witch (and yes I have cleaned that up!)  Would to an outsider take half a day. Sufficient is my understanding that those of you that know have the decency not to push,  and those of you who don’t,  will ask.  This means I can relax a little bit around some of those people I see regularly.  For which I am both humbled and grateful! 
A wise woman once said ” do not run on your path,  for you will miss the gold been the cobblestones. ” it has taken me an awfully long time to understand the concept and I a sure there are still some aspects of the statement that I will in time uncover. 
Ruining everything in a friendship is a terrible thing to do.  No one will disagree with this statement,  rebuilding a relationship of this nature, namely one I utterly destroyed through my own stupid ego driven pride.  Is perhaps the hardest task.  I am not proud to say yes I screwed up,  but I am glad I managed to find the right time,  and the understanding, and courage to allow me to fix it. 
As the deadline draws nearer,  for Friday,  I find myself nor nervous by the day.  Knowing the severity of the nightmares that I have in the pat encountered,  gives me a platform or standard to expect.  I doesn’t give me any joy or sense of relief whatsoever.  
I take comfort in the overpowering care and sometimes emotionally charged company of two of the finest people I have ever met. 
I refer of course to petal and my owner Brace.  So now it is a constant battle to sleep.  Till next post sparkles and love Rose x

Enhanced Education

Before reading this I suggest you get comfortable. with a few things to say on the course of life. the course of my past, and of course lol those things are going to be tripple x, over 21 rated. And probably taboo so make sure you are a, old enough, b, wise enough and c, Most inportantly open minded enough to read this.

And no I don’t apologise for it . I have No regrets save one.. and that one regret will be with me until I pass.


My past contains many nightmares, I`m sure you all have that problem in one way or another. Some are easier than others to explain and I for one after many hours and days of soul searching have found a new understanding of those things that, if you have been reading the rest of this blog, will appear to be a perverts dream.

Am I perverted? yes in a sense of the normality of today’s society lookign back I was definitely outside the normal realm of who and what is expected of a single irish woman. Bucking the trends and societies normality has become almost a second nature it seems.

Being young is not an excuse for naive behaviour. Indeed I recall these words as the lash struck my bottom with startling clarity. The delicious pain and pleasure of the strike, brings memories and wonder to my mind. However, at nineteen I was much in love and lost in a world of adventure and exploration of me.

Those heady days of afternoons spent building a pyre of my soul. Most people think that the true start of the addiction that has become My life. however those who know me know it started much much younger in the laundries in Derry.

By the time I escaped and ran to London the big golden paved city, I had enough about me to know how the world really worked, and there I found myself in a part-time job with a flat and a fiance who love me dearly and a girlfriend who He knew about and we three shared our fantasies in the warmth of our home with the summer approaching and new adventures on the horizon.

what had begun as a simple play date scene rapidly descended to debauchery . learning about anal sex, learning about stretching the orrifices being kinky, and then, of course, the inevitable path leads us to the reasoning to my nightmares.

Years later I realise that It was foolish but Needed to have the nightmares, They served me as a warning to keep a balance to my life, which was at the tie out of control fo any of us I think. But hindsight is a rose tinted truth.

When I started to learn the real truths of BDSM, I was not in a mind to understand the full and born weight of the choices I made or others made for me. Now in my last collar, I finally begin to understand why some principles some rituals and even some lessons need to be learned.

I heard of course rumours of the words “doubt herself. and of the enhanced education that and other women and men like her were provided to retrain the focus and retrain the mind. To reinstall the values to make good the past and understand the future. to restore balance.
And I didn`t understand it at the time. why retrain? surely the training was hard enough as it was the pain the humiliation, the lessons, but. I had missed a vital point in the conversation.

I saw her hanging by her writst, naked. This forty-year-old woman, in a collar, not an unusual sight that club. But something drew me to her .. inspecting her, walking around Her, I recognised her as a sadistic MistressI knew from my times in her play room.

Tears flowed like a river from her eyes, and somethign far more scented from her vagina. Her back was covered in a lattice of red welts, from a recent lesson well learned by the look of it. I felt sorry for her, felt jealous of Her, felt fearful for her, and then felt something else.

The gambit of emotions running wild in my mind as i sat with others and watched this once former Proud Sadistic Mistress who if I had to be honest, instilled fear and pride and wonderment at her very presence. Now hanging on a chain in a room filled with her peers and strangers.. screaming as they beat Her with a tawse. every inch of her was being covered in the red lines of a lesson. And as I watched. they brought the tawse to her lips. and she kissed it through the sobs, and aid ” thank you, My Mistress, for allowing me to understand”

UNDERSTAND??? I didn’t Yes a slave being beaten for entertainment or pleasure was nothing new to me, Hell I did that myself, as both a slave and a Mistress, But understand what? As they stood in front of her Her tormentors, spoke to the assembled crowd. And I have to say I too with baited Breath along with the crowd was silent and listened to their explanation with great focus and interest,

” This Woman hanging behind me in a collar is doing so By Her own request. She has in Our opinion, mistakenly decided to doubt Herself. And therefore She has returned to the House to be Enslaved and enforced into Enhanced Education.” Everyone aroudn me seemed to understand and looks of saddness sounds of a few muffled rumours and voices could be heard. Before the woman hanging in the chains had enough composure to speak.

” I am Nothing, More than Who I am ” Those words will haunt me, now that I finally understand them. all the years of playing with teasing and training and using the tools of this lifestyle, Had resulted in a cataclysm of Her mind. She doubted every aspect of who she was in this respect.

And why am I telling you this?

Because that woman with all her finery srtipped bare, Her head shaven, Her body racked with pain, Her mind in focused chaos. Is now where I find Myself.

When we began this journey of self-discovery, I was so confident in my abilities as a switch, so confident in the knowig truth of me and who I am, so confident int he rules and laws and by-laws of the lifestyle.

And now I’m no longer confident in that aspect of this lifestyle that has brought me to the reason of what has been done in the last day. Self Doubt and self-loathing now are my bed fellows. Mistress Brace My Owner, Wife and Lover, sometimes referred to as My Owl. Has recognised the signals of this detrimental humiliating aspect of me. And then after many souls searching I broached the subject of it.

For those that know me in the world. know now that I have changed , a mental aspect of me the light has gone from My eyes, I judge everything too harsh She says, perhaps we are our Hardest Critics. I think She is right, but the inescapable facts of this case, Mean that I must soon be hanging on a chain .. Or what ever other fate My Owner decides. I must do this with the strength and co operation of my friends and family, for if i do not. the nightmare of my past, become my future. This is post one of many  that will  include the  subject  heading.  and   as we journey through this  storm of  emotive   truths,   they will get  darker.

I ask you all respect this time of transition .. and smile softly at the new day..

with sparkles and love and Much respect. Rose Brightflame™

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